Lab Audit Day 1

In the morning, another attack from Clive. I had dozed off somewhere past Gomshall, and woke with a start at Reigate. 'She was asleep, look' came a whisper from behind. I scowled and looked behind but everyone was acting innocent. Clive, if it was him, had pissed off. This was coupled with an incident yesterday night when one man said 'She was just reading a book' to another of Clive's cronies as they were getting off the train at Guildford. Part of me thinks, you sad bastards. Another part thinks WHY ARE THEY SPYING ON ME? Why can't they just leave me alone? Any advice welcome.
Gerry the Auditor arrived amidst many heartily obsequious welcomes today, the lab being unusually clean and tidy, we all in clean labcoats, etc etc. He arrived in the morning to chat to Peter about pesticide analysis, who already had his hands full with urgent ochratoxins. I was getting on with ATNC, which decided not to work just because the auditor was there, but of course I was listening to how Pete was getting on. Gerry asked to see the standards and I caught the look of panic on Pete's face - they had all expired over 6 months ago!! This, of course, is my fault as much as Pete's as we both do the analysis.
Pete tried to blag his way out of it by saying it was the preparation date not the expiry date, to which Gerry replied 'He's good, isn't he?' knowing the X by the date meant expiry. I resisted the temptation to smile, knowing poor Pete was probably kicking himself.
Gerry is a little bloke in his late 40s with a strong Essex accent, and bears a resemblance to Columbo both physically and in auditing style. You think you've got away with it till Gerry says 'Just one more thing'! But he's not nasty to people, you get the impression he's just doing his job.